Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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