You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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