my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
