the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I take back everything I said about communal showers
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
