id be glad to
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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