I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize