By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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