I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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