He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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