It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
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