Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
