never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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