I'm eating all of the evidence.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
