Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
