You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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