can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
