Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
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