During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She's the barista slut.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
