I heard we made out
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
