Sry I called you an 8
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
