I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
