my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I didn't notice because vodka
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
