i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
