I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
