she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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