how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
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