Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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