My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
