if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
