That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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