just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
