its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I think im going to throw up on grandma
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
