i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
