1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
