My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
