these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
