We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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