Betty ford says i'm here all night
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
