I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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