no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Randomize
