idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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