Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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