1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i jhust puked up my retainher.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
