i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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