I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
