Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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