he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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