2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
