I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
