So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
