The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
