So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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