i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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