i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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