so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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