mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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