Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
